Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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