Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
