the condom got lost in my hair
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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