I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
