Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize