I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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