I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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