I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
