Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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