so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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