How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
