I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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