I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
