listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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