you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
