if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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