So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
