i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
