the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
