so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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