Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
His hands were made for my vagina.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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