I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
