DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
