dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
