His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
