3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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