singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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