you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
