New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
