Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This couple is walking their pig around campus
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
