I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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