It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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