Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
