So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
