Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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