So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
