Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
