His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
