Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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