i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
