Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
whose parrot is this?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
