I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
