Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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