Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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