FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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