I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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