So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
