Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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