Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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