k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
