somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
