he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
