Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
