He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
