Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
