I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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