literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize