Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
