when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
