Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
