If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize