Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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