$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
