Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
