so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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