why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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